Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
