he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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