omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
