every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
