Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
