I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
