you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
