I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
