My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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