I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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