ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
