Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
