I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
