Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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