Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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