i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
