youre lurking in front of me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
