we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
