i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
