If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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