he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
