She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
