He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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