So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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