when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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