I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i dont even know how to be here
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize