Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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