If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
