im drinking this country out of the recession.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
