well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pants are for mortals
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