i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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