You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
