I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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