Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
