May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
