my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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