You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
