I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
