This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
