I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
