If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
