i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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