i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
