if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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