I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
