I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i dont even know how to be here
Just invented taco cereal.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
