PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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