Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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