It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize