No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
