Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
