Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
