we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
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Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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