Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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