Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
