youre lurking in front of me
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
