Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
