thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
