I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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