It was confusing and full of hummus
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
