So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
