Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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