my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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