You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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