I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
