grandma shit on top of the toilet
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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