I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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