I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
