Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
