I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
