dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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