I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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