I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize