I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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