Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
