I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
