anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
